kristin

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 07:07:12 GMT

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

i wish you were the kind of man that i need my man to be.

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:40:35 GMT

What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'll make this
something worth dreaming of

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:15:46 GMT

i miss you too.

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 05:28:25 GMT

I hope that someday you will see my good intentions in the past, and that you will forgive me, and maybe we can get along. That would be nice. Sometimes I wonder if the only way for us to have an amazing time together would be to go back in time...

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 07:53:15 GMT

And when it comes down to it, the truth is- my heart is still so broken. And at a few rare times when I let myself think about it..I feel it, and it hurts more than anything I could ever imagine. And I miss you, and you aren't the same person anymore. You're gone. I just want to tell you that I still love you, but it's only a waste of air, now that I am wasting away loving someone who doesn't exist anymore. Missing someone who doesn't miss me. I feel these things when i think about you, and I hate myself for honestly still hoping that you might feel things like this...even for a moment. But who are you? It's a mystery to us both I guess. You're trying to figure it out, and looks like the more you search your soul I see how much of it you've lost.

: (

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 06:39:28 GMT

I hate finals with all my heart.

but hey, guess who booked herself a ticket to florida? ; )
Jan 12th I will be in warm comforting weather
and forgetting about everything for a week.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:47:45 GMT

I've worked every day this week along with homework and class and i'm tired as hell. I am going to book a flight to florida asap and stay with rachel for a week during my extra long x-mas break....I can't wait to go to West Palm Beach! ohhh mannn...

I need to get out of worcester.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 05:12:40 GMT

For photography class we needed to think of how we saw ourselves, what defines us...and to my surprise the first thing that I thought of when I thought of myself was me with the little kids that I watch. They've taught me more than any professor could. They're more than just my job. Maybe it's a sign that being an elementary teacher is the right thing for me. I always pushed that thought away because my mom taught kindergarten and I thought teaching would never be for me. But over the past year I've realized that I might have been completely wrong.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 07:06:08 GMT

Today was a good day. I needed one.

Oh, and can I please find a man sometime soon?! I'm tired of little boys.

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:47:10 GMT

I don't know where I'm supposed to go.
I wish I could get out of here right now...

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:00:19 GMT

I've been doing really well lately, and I've been pretty busy and everything has been so great. But when things slow down and it's late at night like now well alright, I'll admit it.... I miss you.

I miss a lot of people, and I miss things being simple...

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:21:16 GMT

Well, I didn't really do much this weekend. I was lazy, and I wanted to be. I sat around and read. A lot. And watched tv and movies and ate apple pie. It's great to be an absolute lazy ass from time to time.

I talked on the phone for hours because so many people are away. Now that I am past all the shitty things that happened this year I am more happy than I've been in about 2 years : )

happy birthday too meeeeeeeee

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 20:24:19 GMT

So they figured out what is wrong with me! I have pneumonia! haha im just excited to have some meds and to know what is wrong. I've been sick for 10 days, but they said it might take up to 10 days for this to go away so that means most of August will have been spent sick : (

on a lighter note....today is my birthday! haha 18 fiiinallyyy yayy!
I am excited and want to eat lots of cake & go out and have fun but I think I might put that off at least a day or two cause I'm prettty damn sick ; )

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 06:32:22 GMT

I had to say goodbye to Danielle tonight : (
When did we all grow up?

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 23:15:26 GMT

So I've been feeling pretty sick, irritable, and just terrible. I have a cough, and my throat was really bothering me. Not like a sore throat but more towards the bottom of it, and I figured it might have been irritated from breathing in all the dust and shit when I was 4-wheeling on Tuesday. So I went back to the doctor's today and they decided to x-ray me and they found a lump in my throat. They don't know what it is yet but I am hoping for the best. I just want to get rid of whatever is wrong with me cause I don't want to feel like this.

I guess this is growing up

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:52:28 GMT

I decided last-minute to just go to Quinsig for at least a year, save up $$$ and I have a great job that I was offered. I would babysit 3 days a week for $11 an hour, two kids, two streets away from me. Count me innnnnnnnnnn babeee! I would still work at the art museum too, but there's hardly any classes offered for the fall so I'd get only a few hours a week. Combined with the babysitting I'd be all set. I am excited about the perfect jobs but I have a feeling that I will be reeeeally bummed out once almost all of my friends are gone. It's bothering me not to have a much-needed change of scenery this year. I thought that this summer would be different, but I can't help but feel dissappointed...it's not in anyone, just in the circumstances. I am sick of dwelling on things I can't change, and tired of missing someone who doesn't even exist anymore. I want someone great to come and remind me that there are good people in the world.

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 23:06:48 GMT

I just want to be over him. I can't do this anymore, it's like my life keeps skipping back to the worst moment of it. I'm done.

I've spent my summer alone, I haven't even kissed anyone since him, it's pathetic.

I have work off this week and I am going to take next week off as well so that I can actually have some great memories of friends this summer to look back on. They are all leaving in a few weeks and I am really sad that I didn't spend as much time with them as possible : [

I just want to see people and be happy like I should be in my summer after senior year! my goodness!

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 05:18:14 GMT

I don't know what to do anymore.
Get me out of here! aaaaahhhhhhh

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:30:14 GMT

It is 3 AM. I'm awake and I should be sleeping, but I just can't stop THINKING. I tried to nap the other day for four hours and i never really fell asleep. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I think it's just this strange time in my life that is getting to me. It's getting harder to think clearly with so many thoughts running through my head about right now, my past, and what I want in the future. I've been getting lost in things to come rather than right now, and I know I just need to take a step back and breathe. Hopefully I can find some peace, because right now nothing I am doing is making me feel any better. I've been having so much fun I can't even explain it, but at the same time I want to get away so badly. I want to go somewhere new...but with who? Who is the one person who I would want there with me? I used to know. It just reminds me of how disappointed I am over the way things have turned out in many situations. This morning I was supposed to go out, but didn't even have the motivation to do so. I sat down at the kitchen table filled with flowers and cards for me, and I thought about him. How I wish that I had seen his face in the crowd of people. I wish I could go back to three years ago where there was no possible way we would turn out like this. I wish I'd done it right, and at least that way if we failed I would truly know that it was meant to be. I wish he had done it right, too. I learned a hell of a lot these past 4 years, and I guess I might not have if I didn't learn the hard way, but now I guess I'm reaping the consequences. ha. I thought that's what was happening a year ago...I didn't have a fucking clue.

I wish I was better at showing people what I mean. Most of the time I never even talk about the things that are actually REALLY bothering me to my best friends. If they asked I would be honest, but there's no reason to bring up things that I'm trying to not think about. I guess I just see them so happy, and there's no way that I'd want to mention how I am not. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get things out right. I just don't think there's any way for them to get it. Nope. But I wish they would because it would sure help them to get why I can be distant at times- It's just how I deal, I need it. I will be okay, and at least I know what I need to do in order for that to happen haha. It's not really how I'm feeling...I am here. Always.

I am so overtired. I should get to bed, eh?

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 02:57:03 GMT

I have never known hurt like this.
I don't know how to make this go away except to let time heal me.

I'm back.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 07:44:54 GMT

I decided that life is better when you journal.
I never remember things right so it works for me. It's nice seeing how you change.

It's 2:43am. I told myself I'd go to bed at midnight. Great.

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 03:04:01 GMT

I remember reading this somewhere and I saved it and now I just think it's so true that I have to post it!! haha
it really is though...

Some things are just too good to be true...

Which means that I thought something was so awesome and perfect that I should have prepared myself for a bumpier road. I went from being "oh, yeah life is fun" to being on top of the world, floating on cloud nine happy, can't even think straight because all that mattered was being in love and knowing that no matter what happened, I was the happiest girl in the world. Now I am back to "ahh, life is ok"....

Love is a hard thing and is way too powerful. When one little problem happens, it becomes ten times bigger because when you love someone so much, you want them to be happy. Sometimes you sacrifice a lot just because you want the other person to be happier than you....whether it's doing horrible on a test because you went there after work instead of studying, or your arm hurting so bad but you can't move it because they fell asleep on it.

When you are in love, you blow things out of proportion. Is it that big of a deal that he called an hour late? Its not, but the feeling of knowing he used to call an hour earlier sucks. When you have been together for a while, you fall into a routine and things don't feel as spontanous. You start to just get used to it and slack in doing all the little puppy love things. When in reality, your love is growing deeper but you feel like it's drifting away. It's not though. You are becoming closer even though it feels like becoming farther apart. Think of it like this- it's not that you don't shave your legs anymore because you don't feel like impressing him anymore, it's because you know he loves you now so much that he thinks it's cute you are getting lazy.

Being in love is awesome. It's the best feeling when you are hugging someone and want to squeeze them really hard because you can't get enough of the hug! And falling into love is even better, when you think that you kinda like them then everytime something little happens (like bedhead or PB and J or their laugh) you fall even harder and harder.

BUT...you are never going to ever learn how you truly feel until you know what its like to go back to being without them. Stepping down and letting go will teach you so much. You need to just let go. Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be, for the time being or for forever. You just don't know. When your heart isn't there anymore..don't try to force anything. You need to give your heart room to breathe, and if you like it, then it works out, and if your heart is still empty, hopefully you can put all the good stuff back into it if it's not too late...

I needed room to breathe and still do.

I am going to California in a week and I am excited! I can't wait to just get away and soak up some sun and RELAX!!!
3 days left of school and it's bad because I have terrible grades, but I'm pretty much ecstatic for summer and to sleep in and just not have school for a few months! :]

uggghh

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 21:37:48 GMT

I'm sick. My throat hurts and my ears hurt and I think I might have a fever.
I'm thinking of going in late to school tomorrow.
My back is also basically falling apart.
Nice.

My weekend was pretty good...I saw a lot of people.
Dan slept over on Friday and then on Saturday we met up with Brown
and then went to the mall and met up with Dani and Rach.
Dan discovered that on the inside of burger king crowns there's a game and so here's how it goes..
If you have the crown on, you're the King! You can command whatever you wish, so we put it into action and he went up to berger king and demanded a soda and they gave it to him! haha

I guess that's all I'd really like to say right now...I realized that I never post anymore because I don't feel like telling people about what's really on my mind. Oh well.

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 19:48:38 GMT

2006.
This year my goal is to grow up,
and still have fun and be myself! haha

I want to achieve goals that I have.
Right now I feel like there's not much to look forward to,
but once all the annoying/stressful stuff is out of the way
I'm sure this is going to be a great year:)

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 23:12:38 GMT

So I finally got all my pictures on the computer of the past week or so...

Wendy's!!! <3333 (this one's for the euro crew! haha)

So last weekend me, dan, and cait went to olive garden and it was a good time. Then on Monday Cait and I went to Natick to the IMAX! After we went to the Natick Mall and saw some "JAKE for dudes" cologne haahha. We got lost and wound up in Rhode Island haha...but it was great.

This weekend I had to go to the school play on Friday to take pics for visual comm...I dragged dan along...we took some hilarious pictures... I ran into Cait there too :)
Yesterday I went to Dan's (shocker there huh haha) and we hung out the whole day. We haven't done that in a while and it was really nice. In the evening we went out with Toni and Nikki to Solomon...

(sorry cait, i had to....haha)

first parking job

second parking job

ahhh!!

(im on dan's exercise ball...but u cant tell)

haaaa nice face!

(we were stuck in his footsie pajamas! haha)

haha im so goofy wow

lion face?...i tried...
i think dan would kill me if i posted his....hahahaha